Would you believe me if I told you it was difficult for me to receive love, compliments, and nice things from people and the universe?
I’ve started dating again, and so far so good. This particular experience I’m currently having, is shedding some much needed light, on my fear and difficulty of being open to love. Now it’s too early to share those words “I-Love-You” to the guy I’m currently dating, but I’ve noticed in myself that when he’s treating me like a queen (planning dates, initiating engaging conversation, showing genuine interest, and rubbing my feet ) I freak out on the inside.
When I have these freak out moments, I’m asking myself “Jazz, he’s a great guy so far, why are you lookin for bad shit to happen”? Why can’t I fully accept his niceness, the sweet little gifts he’s given me, and the compliments he freely shares?
WHY IS THIS SO HARD?
So me being naturally curious, I did some research, and found that a lot people deal with the difficulty of receiving love. Which sucks, because we all deserve to feel it in our lives. With my research and jotting down my own thoughts, I came across 3 main reasons why it’s hard to receive.
1. We Feel Guilty and Selfish
I know in my experience, whenever someone offers me a compliment or gives me a “just because”gift, I get this bewildered look, thank them and feel weird about why this person is being so generous to me. Without diving too much into my life, I remembered being taught that you must always give in order to feel good or to always help someone in need, even if that meant giving your last to someone. When someone even thinks of me to give me something, I feel so obligated and anxious that I didn’t reciprocate anything. Giving from an empty cup is not good for anyone’s sanity.
For instance, the guy I’m currently dating cooked me dinner one night (which was so good!) and followed up with a foot rub out of this world. I was caught off guard, and thought what did I do to deserve such treatment? And when we embraced each other, he put his arms around my waist and stomach and just relished in the moment. I’m still self-conscious about my “not-so-flat” stomach, so him embracing that part of me felt weird and good at the same time.
Other than the obvious reasons (in which he was not pushy about), it was hard for me to enjoy this simple, intimate gesture to the fullest. Instead of being mindful and just enjoying the moment, I kept thinking of how I didn’t deserve to indulge in this feeling.
2. We Don’t Feel Worthy of Receiving Love
Not being able to receive love and constantly worrying about why you don’t deserve it, is a personal hell to experience. Something in your life has to happen for you to not feel that you’re worthy of being loved. What makes this so hard, is having to undo a lot of negative self-talk and thoughts. As cliche as it sounds, you have to love yourself first before accepting anyone else’s love, gifts, etc. This process is not overnight, trust me, it’s a daily journey of pouring goodness into yourself.
Wrapping my mind around possibly being in love with someone else is already overwhelming, so I have to be patient with myself because I’m an imperfect human. Yes I do deserve to be loved and to feel good with someone else (that was tough to type out) but it has to start with me fully loving myself and understanding my worth. I AM WORTHY OF GREAT THINGS IN LIFE AND BEING LOVED. (Say this to yourself everyday until you feel comfortable receiving love)
3. We Hate being Vulnerable
This is a big one for me, especially since I have a hard time to expressing my thoughts clearly. When people first meet me, they assume I am just this quiet, reserved soft-spoken girl; I am that but more. I’m very thoughtful, I listen well and I am constantly wanting to learn something new. But I’m also always in my head a lot, thinking and thinking. When the opportunity comes for me to vulnerable, I’m so overloaded with my thoughts I just keep them to myself, not wanting to overwhelm anyone. So I give them the time to share about themselves instead of me, I’m back in control.
Again, this is not the healthiest way to live life, especially if I want to experience true love one day. Being vulnerable is apart of a healthy relationship, something I’ve never witnessed or experienced. So with this dating journey that I’m on now, I am putting in the effort to be more mindful and receptive of the good. As well, I’m making sure that I am feed myself goodness first, knowing that I am worthy.
Being open to receiving anything; love, gifts, compliments, etc. can be hard, so try being mindful of the moment and just saying thank you and truly appreciating what this person is doing. I know it may be hard to wrap your mind around this concept, but it’s a start. When we start opening ourselves up to goodness and love, more of it will find its way into our lives. Just take that small step.
Thank you for reading and allowing me to share my thoughts, remember you are worthy!