The Importance of Receiving Love

Would you believe me if I told you it was difficult for me to receive love, compliments, and nice things from people and the universe?


I’ve started dating again, and so far so good. This particular experience I’m currently having, is shedding some much needed light, on my fear and difficulty of being open to love. Now it’s too early to share those words “I-Love-You” to the guy I’m currently dating, but I’ve noticed in myself that when he’s treating me like a queen (planning dates, initiating engaging conversation, showing genuine interest, and rubbing my feet ) I freak out on the inside.


When I have these freak out moments, I’m asking myself “Jazz, he’s a great guy so far, why are you lookin for bad shit to happen”? Why can’t I fully accept his niceness, the sweet little gifts he’s given me, and the compliments he freely shares?


So me being naturally curious, I did some research, and found that a lot people deal with the difficulty of receiving love. Which sucks, because we all deserve to feel it in our lives. With my research and jotting down my own thoughts, I came across 3 main reasons why it’s hard to receive.


1. We Feel Guilty and Selfish

I know in my experience, whenever someone offers me a compliment or gives me a “just because”gift, I get this bewildered look, thank them and feel weird about why this person is being so generous to me. Without diving too much into my life, I remembered being taught that you must always give in order to feel good or to always help someone in need, even if that meant giving your last to someone. When someone even thinks of me to give me something, I feel so obligated and anxious that I didn’t reciprocate anything. Giving from an empty cup is not good for anyone’s sanity.

For instance, the guy I’m currently dating cooked me dinner one night (which was so good!) and followed up with a foot rub out of this world. I was caught off guard, and thought what did I do to deserve such treatment? And when we embraced each other, he put his arms around my waist and stomach and just relished in the moment. I’m still self-conscious about my “not-so-flat” stomach, so him embracing that part of me felt weird and good at the same time.

Other than the obvious reasons (in which he was not pushy about), it was hard for me to enjoy this simple, intimate gesture to the fullest. Instead of being mindful and just enjoying the moment, I kept thinking of how I didn’t deserve to indulge in this feeling.


2. We Don’t Feel Worthy of Receiving Love

Not being able to receive love and constantly worrying about why you don’t deserve it, is a personal hell to experience. Something in your life has to happen for you to not feel that you’re worthy of being loved. What makes this so hard, is having to undo a lot of negative self-talk and thoughts. As cliche as it sounds, you have to love yourself first before accepting anyone else’s love, gifts, etc. This process is not overnight, trust me, it’s a daily journey of pouring goodness into yourself.

Wrapping my mind around possibly being in love with someone else is already overwhelming, so I have to be patient with myself because I’m an imperfect human. Yes I do deserve to be loved and to feel good with someone else (that was tough to type out) but it has to start with me fully loving myself and understanding my worth. I AM WORTHY OF GREAT THINGS IN LIFE AND BEING LOVED. (Say this to yourself everyday until you feel comfortable receiving love)


3. We Hate being Vulnerable

This is a big one for me, especially since I have a hard time to expressing my thoughts clearly. When people first meet me, they assume I am just this quiet, reserved soft-spoken girl; I am that but more. I’m very thoughtful, I listen well and I am constantly wanting to learn something new. But I’m also always in my head a lot, thinking and thinking. When the opportunity comes for me to vulnerable, I’m so overloaded with my thoughts I just keep them to myself, not wanting to overwhelm anyone. So I give them the time to share about themselves instead of me, I’m back in control.

Again, this is not the healthiest way to live life, especially if I want to experience true love one day. Being vulnerable is apart of a healthy relationship, something I’ve never witnessed or experienced. So with this dating journey that I’m on now, I am putting in the effort to be more mindful and receptive of the good. As well, I’m making sure that I am feed myself goodness first, knowing that I am worthy.


Being open to receiving anything; love, gifts, compliments, etc. can be hard, so try being mindful of the moment and just saying thank you and truly appreciating what this person is doing. I know it may be hard to wrap your mind around this concept, but it’s a start. When we start opening ourselves up to goodness and love, more of it will find its way into our lives. Just take that small step.


Thank you for reading and allowing me to share my thoughts, remember you are worthy!


The Ebbs and Flows of Life

“ebb and flow

 a recurrent or rhythmical pattern of coming and going or decline and regrowth.

This expression makes reference to the regular movement of the tides, where ebb means move away from the land and  flow move back towards it”.
Wow, it’s already February? Who else needs a restart? I know I do, the beginning of the month for me was not what I wrote on my Quarter 1 vision board goals, but I’m still here in a new month. We thank God!
With the second month on a roll, I’m already learning lessons and rewiring some old thinking habits. One habit that I HAVE to change, is my health. I had a not-so-great doctor’s visit, resulting in me being pre-diabetic, meaning I need to get my blood sugar down to a healthier level, by exercising more and choosing better foods for my body.
Easier said than done though, on top of working full time and running my consulting business, I’m a busy lady on a mission. That’s no excuse to put my health on the back burner, so I need to change my mindset, because my health is on the line.

Orchid Black Jumpsuit


When I heard those words, “pre-diabetic” I cringed, and wanted to just say fuck it, but I can’t keep doing that. That’s one of those habits I need to break, especially when things get tough in life, I can’t just throw in towel, I have to go with the ebbs and flow of life. This means putting in the effort to fight for what I want (healthy body and mind) and not being afraid of success anymore. Yes, you read that right, I’m afraid of succeeding, it’s a weird concept, but another thinking habit I need to change.


Eye Heart You glasses in Black

With the extra frustrations I’ve had this past month, I’m going to make it a point to focus on what I can fix instead of fixating on the ebbs, I just want to be the best Jasmine I can be to myself and those around me.

“The Shady Baby” glasses in Silver


“The Shady Baby” Glasses in Black



What thinking habits are you changing this month?


Style Details:

Orchid Jumpsuit (Plus Size) from Black Orchid Boutique

All style Glasses from  Shady Baby Co.

Photography Goddess Kristianna Davied 


Thanks for reading loves!

Sorry Y’all, I’m not Bringing a Date home for the Holidays…

Hey everyone, it’s been 2 months since I’ve written anything or posted, but life happens of course, so I have to deal with it appropriately. Anyway I am coming to you all with my heart open and full of learning lessons, in regards to the dating world.



You know that feeling in your gut, when you know something has gone awry? Or that you know when a relationship has fizzled out? That’s where I am at this moment, recognizing that my relationship has lost its passion and the warm feelings I once had, as well as his too…

I kept thinking to myself, do I need to share my dating story? Do I really need to let everyone in? And then I realized, this is isn’t for you, but for me. (But if it helps in any way, I’m happy that it does).

With dating this particular person, I learned what I did NOT want and what I DO want in a relationship. I never want to feel like I am not a priority to someone I’m dating ever again. I never want to settle with someone, knowing they aren’t right for me, just to say I’m in a relationship, I’d honestly rather be single and enjoy the wonders of life. Loneliness used to scare me and still does at some time, but I don’t want just anyone taking up meaningless space in my life, it’s too draining.

At times throughout dating this person, I would notice I would initiate most of the communication and do most of the “work” to keep this thing going. But I realized that I was the only one really into this relationship, and that my friends, is not a place where I wish my worst enemy would go. Plus it was a long distance relationship, and the only means of communication were calling each other on the phone or video chatting, texting too, but none of that was happening as much.

I expressed my concerns in an adult manner about how we don’t talk as much and what we should do to make it work, I guess he heard me, but wasn’t listening…at this point I waited around for as long as I could, but nothing changed, nothing progressed. I had decided I would break up with him, it took me a week to do it, and my stomach was in literal knots.

The break up didn’t go as horrible as I thought, but it felt like a relief, almost…I was perfectly content without communication with him, I felt like my old self again. What happened after we broke up, was that he started talking to me more, and initiated the conversation! How the hell does that happen? Why couldn’t he get it together while we were dating?


I haven’t been in many relationships, but when it would go wrong or I’d get rejected, I would take it personal and believe it was all my fault. With growth and going through a couple awful dating experiences, I learned that I’m a FUCKING AMAZING WOMAN and that anyone I date, should be damned proud to be in my presence. (I just needed to vent that, it’s been in my spirit for the longest lol)

Anyway, let’s get back to focus, what I’ve learned in my experience with dating, is that you have to work at it daily, especially if you love someone. Saying you love them, is just the icing on the cake, you need to show them you care, learn who that person is, know their quirks, etc. Cultivate the relationship in order for it to grow and blossom into something great…


About a week and a half later, I found myself getting back together with him (big mistake) and nothing had change, he said he was getting better. In this instant, I realized you can say all you want, but where is the action? How are you going to show you’re actually doing better? And then I looked at myself, and knew this is not a relationship I wanted to be in, with empty promises and pretty lies. I honestly wanted to make it work for the sake of saying I was dating someone, and to bring a guy home for the holidays. But that’s not a good reason to be with someone, especially if they aren’t making an effort to be with you.


During that time we had gotten back together, there was a chance for him to truly show he cared about me, it basically involved me being stuck in his same city, in a Greyhoud station with a 5 hour late bus. I told him the situation, and he seemed sympathetic towards this frustrating experience, but didn’t budge to come see me, only offering a dry ass “hope you get home safe” text. I knew for sure what place I held in his life, and it hurt, but thank God I was with my best friend and not truly alone. But to know the person you’re dating is in the same city, stuck in a dusty old Greyhound bus station and you don’t even bother to come see them, that was my big ass sign that I need to move on from this, whatever it was. And before you ask, “Well Jazz, was he busy doing something at the time?” Nope, he was home chillin…


I leave you with this last thought, don’t compromise your standards when dating someone. That person will eventually show you who they are, especially in sticky situations, I personally feel you will do all you can to make sure your mate is safe. I hate that I haven’t had many long-lasting relationships, especially when I feel like they’re the right one, and want to introduce them to my family and friends. But I refuse to bring someone around that can’t do the basic shit in a relationship, I can’t and I won’t. Until then, I’ll be single for a while, enjoying myself and embracing those that do love me, for me.


Remember to always take care of YOU first, good night loves.




The Art of Gratefulness

It’s the beginning of the week, and as we all head back to work, school, etc let’s practice gratefulness. Yes I know the world is overwhelming at times, but for some reason reflecting on what you’re grateful for, makes life just a little bit better. Lately I’ve made it a point to say out loud or write down 3 things I am grateful for, this helps calms my anxiety and keeps me from comparing my life to others.

Here are three things that I’m grateful for:

1. The ability to cherish the present moment

How often do we really stop to “smell the roses”? The ability to be present in wherever you are in life, is an amazing gift. Just being present wherever you are, allows you to be just you and only you. When you give yourself a break from worrying about the future, to just stop and think about what you’re grateful for, you open yourself up for amazing, good energy. Everyone wants good energy right?

So do what’s on your heart, date that guy, wear that crushed velvet dress, or travel to that country you’ve always wanted to go to. Be present and go for it.

2. My Amazing Support System


Sometimes my thoughts get to me, and I forget how amazing my support system is. To everyone that has helped me level up in my life, thank you! I honestly would not be at this point, if it we’re not for my support system. I am truly grateful for those who take time out of their day to check on me, send me crazy memes or refer business opportunities to me. THANK YOU!

There is nothing more valuable than having a strong support system, consisting of friends and family. In their own special way, each person has helped me develop into who I am now. And I like to think that I’m pretty phenomenal! I challenge you to look at those around you, and thank them if they have helped you at any point in your life. If you can, just call them, take them to lunch or send a thank you note.


3. My Ability to Adapt Anywhere


In my 25 years of life, I’ve seen some things, experienced some great and not-so-great moments, but I’m still here; present as ever. I am grateful for everything that I have experienced so far, because these experiences have shaped and molded me into a resilient woman. I know wherever I go in life, I’m going to be great. Although I’ve gone through some tough years lately, I am still rockin and rollin honey. Fear rarely resides wherever I am, I know I can adapt to any situation and environment.


What I hoped you gained from this post, is to stop for a moment and really think about where you are in life. Whether you’re in a good or bad spot, be grateful for that shit! I mean it! I know when we’re going through tough times, it’s hard to be grateful, but you have to trust me on this one.

This week, I want you all to make it a point to write down or say out loud, three things you’re grateful for. You can share this with someone you trust or keep it to yourself, just express to the universe that you are grateful.





Well that’s all for now lovelies! Remember to be grateful this week and thank you for reading!

Style Details:





Self-Care with Spookieloo

Self Care in the midst of bullshittery


Hey lovlies! How’s everyone doing today? I hope you all are doing well, because you’re in for a treat with today’s post. I want to engage with you all starting today 8/16/16 through 8/23/16 on how important self-care is, especially if you’re having a hard time navigating life right now. Normally I’m pretty private about my personal life, but in the past couple of weeks I’ve been through an emotional rollercoaster (could be early PMS lol) and I’m tired of always feeling like my emotions don’t matter or that they’re not valid. I’m sure you’ve been there before, it feels like life is just smacking you up and down with no remorse huh?


This past weekend I went on a date that I thought would be something to remember, and boy was it! Basically the date I went on ended up with me being stranded by the guy that I was a on a date with, he left while I went to the restroom to freshen up. I came back, he was gone, ghost, left without a trace. I texted him, “Hey, you ok?” No reply. So I’m waiting, thinking and then finally came to the conclusion 30 minutes later, that this mofo left my ass (lol I can laugh now thank goodness), so I called and texted several more times, nothin boo. Embarrassed, hurt and angry, I sat there another 20 minutes in shock that this happened, I mean who does that? I eventually and begrudgingly called for an Uber ride, that was the longest and saddest drive I have ever endured.

Anyway fast forward to now, the guy eventually texted me back after I summoned my friends to bug his phone a little (lol), of course he was PISSED that I had something to say after what HE did. *Insert confused look* The conversation lasted about ten minutes, he really tried to hurt me, cut me down because I wanted to know why he would do that. When he said I had “bad intuition” and that he was “miserable” during the date, all I could do was shake my head. None of what he was said was true, which brings me to the point of this post: People’s hurtful words; well hurt, but they don’t have to for long.   

With the amount of frustration that I’ve been feeling towards life in general, and then this tragedy of a date happening, my emotions and self-confidence were shot down a few notches. I can be honest and say that shit hurt, but I engaged in some self-care activities to lift myself back up and will continue to for the rest of this week. Will you join me? Let’s look below!

Day1- Rest, listen to light music and clear your thoughts (2)


I know that was a wild story, but I wanted to share this with you all because it’s important that we bounce back from hurtful words, especially when we know that they’re not true. My method is not the cure all for frustration, but it’s a start in a healthier direction, towards a stronger mindset. Please know and understand that your emotions and feelings are valid, you’re not crazy boo, you got this. I got this.

If you decided to join me today on this self-care journey, remember to use #spookieloosselfcare, so we can help each other out. Well, that’s all for now, enjoy the rest of your day!




Losing it: Why I want to be a Healthy Fat Woman

Hey yall, yes you read that title right, let’s chat about this idea of body shaming, which is getting on my damn nerves. About two weeks ago I saw Ashley Graham, plus-size super model, get ridiculed for “losing too much weight” on her Instagram, after reading comments of her followers saying that she “wasn’t the plus-size model they once knew” and how she is betraying everyone by being an active healthy woman, this led me to think about my issues with weight. *Cue the dramatic music*, I want to lose weight and I’m actually working towards losing 20-30lbs to get my health on track and to fit back into favorite booty shorts (I can’t zip those damn things up anymore lol).



But back to Ashley, I’ve observed some of the plus-size community bash these models for losing weight, especially when they become mainstream. I understand both sides of this argument but at the same time I’m irritated that plus-size women are body shaming each other because someone decides to lose weight or get fit and healthy. Fat women are constantly being shamed for their bodies, so what sense does it make to shame another fellow plus ally? Yall, let this lady live her life please!

In regards to my own body, I’ve been wrestling with this idea that if I choose to decide to lose weight and get healthier, I’d lose my following and possibly be shamed for wanting change my body. I’m wanting to change my health, because I want to live as long as I can without health issues interrupting me living my life to the fullest. My family has a long line of health issues in relation to being overweight, but they have all changed their lifestyles and now live fulfilling, healthy lives. Now I’m not saying that you have to be a certain size to enjoy life at all, I’m saying that this is my decision, and plus I can’t part away from my favorite blue jean booty shorts right now. I love my curves and personally believe you can have a healthy body with them, call me crazy but I want to be a healthy fat woman.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my body and all that it can do, I appreciate every roll, my big thighs and not-so-flat tummy. Is it so wrong to want to get back into being more active and healthy? I’d like to walk up and down stairs without getting out of breath and light headed, or get back to doing my favorite soccer drills without feeling like I’m going to pass out within 5 minutes. It’s evident that no matter what anyone does with their body, that everyone won’t be pleased by your decision to change it, but does it matter? No it doesn’t matter to me anymore, because at the end of the day it’s my body and I live in it, your opinion about Ashley Graham doesn’t stop her from living her life and neither will I. Stop body shaming.

I love a cute work out set!

I love a cute work out set!

My hope for this post was to open up the dialogue on how society, including the plus-size community, engages in constant shaming of people’s bodies, there’s already enough crap going on in the world, so lets chill out, ok?

As always, I appreciate you reading, let me know your thoughts on this subject and don’t forget to share, thanks!



Resisting the Urge to Conform









Ever since I started dressing myself at the tender age of 7 years old, I have never matched, in fact I would always purposely mismatch my clothes to express how different I was. I didn’t understand the importance of doing that, until now. In a society where trends define who some people are, it’s difficult sometimes to remain, well different. Lately, I have been thinking how I want to live my life. especially since I’m about to graduate college in May. It’s so easy to just want to conform and do what everyone else does, but is that any fun? Nah. I have made my mind up that I’m going to live my the way I see it; no more saying yes to everyone’s request, no more confusing being busy with living a productive life and certainly no more comparing my body to others. I take this approach to my style as well, I like to think that the younger Jasmine remained true to her style, and that makes me smile from ear to ear. I have never dressed to get validation from other people, I’ve always dressed according to what I felt was right within myself. The ripped jeans I have on, are my favorite, I got them from New York & Company a couple years and later decided to cut them up. And those bright shoes? I’ve had my eye on them, they meshed perfectly with this edgy, casual look.

Anyway, there was this book I read last year called You are a Badass: How to stop Doubting your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life,”  that woke me up to how I approached life. One quote that stuck with me was that “Our subconscious mind, on the other hand, is the non-analytical part of our brain that’s fully developed the moment we arrive here on earth.” That’s how I want to live my life, I’m usually overthinking something and that is not a healthy way to go about living life. I want to embrace where I am in life, even though I am not certain of where I’ll end up next, I will not conform to that way of thinking anymore.

Thanks for reading loves.

Style Details:

Ripped Skinny Jeans- New York & Company

Olive Green Sweatshirt- Forever 21 Plus

Neon Colored New Balances- Journey’s

Gold Rope Necklace Chain- Fresh Kinks

Cheetah Print Scarf- Charlotte Russe

Gradient Round Sunglasses- Forever 21

Photography by- It’s Sofia Emm