The Importance of Receiving Love

Would you believe me if I told you it was difficult for me to receive love, compliments, and nice things from people and the universe?


I’ve started dating again, and so far so good. This particular experience I’m currently having, is shedding some much needed light, on my fear and difficulty of being open to love. Now it’s too early to share those words “I-Love-You” to the guy I’m currently dating, but I’ve noticed in myself that when he’s treating me like a queen (planning dates, initiating engaging conversation, showing genuine interest, and rubbing my feet ) I freak out on the inside.


When I have these freak out moments, I’m asking myself “Jazz, he’s a great guy so far, why are you lookin for bad shit to happen”? Why can’t I fully accept his niceness, the sweet little gifts he’s given me, and the compliments he freely shares?


So me being naturally curious, I did some research, and found that a lot people deal with the difficulty of receiving love. Which sucks, because we all deserve to feel it in our lives. With my research and jotting down my own thoughts, I came across 3 main reasons why it’s hard to receive.


1. We Feel Guilty and Selfish

I know in my experience, whenever someone offers me a compliment or gives me a “just because”gift, I get this bewildered look, thank them and feel weird about why this person is being so generous to me. Without diving too much into my life, I remembered being taught that you must always give in order to feel good or to always help someone in need, even if that meant giving your last to someone. When someone even thinks of me to give me something, I feel so obligated and anxious that I didn’t reciprocate anything. Giving from an empty cup is not good for anyone’s sanity.

For instance, the guy I’m currently dating cooked me dinner one night (which was so good!) and followed up with a foot rub out of this world. I was caught off guard, and thought what did I do to deserve such treatment? And when we embraced each other, he put his arms around my waist and stomach and just relished in the moment. I’m still self-conscious about my “not-so-flat” stomach, so him embracing that part of me felt weird and good at the same time.

Other than the obvious reasons (in which he was not pushy about), it was hard for me to enjoy this simple, intimate gesture to the fullest. Instead of being mindful and just enjoying the moment, I kept thinking of how I didn’t deserve to indulge in this feeling.


2. We Don’t Feel Worthy of Receiving Love

Not being able to receive love and constantly worrying about why you don’t deserve it, is a personal hell to experience. Something in your life has to happen for you to not feel that you’re worthy of being loved. What makes this so hard, is having to undo a lot of negative self-talk and thoughts. As cliche as it sounds, you have to love yourself first before accepting anyone else’s love, gifts, etc. This process is not overnight, trust me, it’s a daily journey of pouring goodness into yourself.

Wrapping my mind around possibly being in love with someone else is already overwhelming, so I have to be patient with myself because I’m an imperfect human. Yes I do deserve to be loved and to feel good with someone else (that was tough to type out) but it has to start with me fully loving myself and understanding my worth. I AM WORTHY OF GREAT THINGS IN LIFE AND BEING LOVED. (Say this to yourself everyday until you feel comfortable receiving love)


3. We Hate being Vulnerable

This is a big one for me, especially since I have a hard time to expressing my thoughts clearly. When people first meet me, they assume I am just this quiet, reserved soft-spoken girl; I am that but more. I’m very thoughtful, I listen well and I am constantly wanting to learn something new. But I’m also always in my head a lot, thinking and thinking. When the opportunity comes for me to vulnerable, I’m so overloaded with my thoughts I just keep them to myself, not wanting to overwhelm anyone. So I give them the time to share about themselves instead of me, I’m back in control.

Again, this is not the healthiest way to live life, especially if I want to experience true love one day. Being vulnerable is apart of a healthy relationship, something I’ve never witnessed or experienced. So with this dating journey that I’m on now, I am putting in the effort to be more mindful and receptive of the good. As well, I’m making sure that I am feed myself goodness first, knowing that I am worthy.


Being open to receiving anything; love, gifts, compliments, etc. can be hard, so try being mindful of the moment and just saying thank you and truly appreciating what this person is doing. I know it may be hard to wrap your mind around this concept, but it’s a start. When we start opening ourselves up to goodness and love, more of it will find its way into our lives. Just take that small step.


Thank you for reading and allowing me to share my thoughts, remember you are worthy!


Sorry Y’all, I’m not Bringing a Date home for the Holidays…

Hey everyone, it’s been 2 months since I’ve written anything or posted, but life happens of course, so I have to deal with it appropriately. Anyway I am coming to you all with my heart open and full of learning lessons, in regards to the dating world.



You know that feeling in your gut, when you know something has gone awry? Or that you know when a relationship has fizzled out? That’s where I am at this moment, recognizing that my relationship has lost its passion and the warm feelings I once had, as well as his too…

I kept thinking to myself, do I need to share my dating story? Do I really need to let everyone in? And then I realized, this is isn’t for you, but for me. (But if it helps in any way, I’m happy that it does).

With dating this particular person, I learned what I did NOT want and what I DO want in a relationship. I never want to feel like I am not a priority to someone I’m dating ever again. I never want to settle with someone, knowing they aren’t right for me, just to say I’m in a relationship, I’d honestly rather be single and enjoy the wonders of life. Loneliness used to scare me and still does at some time, but I don’t want just anyone taking up meaningless space in my life, it’s too draining.

At times throughout dating this person, I would notice I would initiate most of the communication and do most of the “work” to keep this thing going. But I realized that I was the only one really into this relationship, and that my friends, is not a place where I wish my worst enemy would go. Plus it was a long distance relationship, and the only means of communication were calling each other on the phone or video chatting, texting too, but none of that was happening as much.

I expressed my concerns in an adult manner about how we don’t talk as much and what we should do to make it work, I guess he heard me, but wasn’t listening…at this point I waited around for as long as I could, but nothing changed, nothing progressed. I had decided I would break up with him, it took me a week to do it, and my stomach was in literal knots.

The break up didn’t go as horrible as I thought, but it felt like a relief, almost…I was perfectly content without communication with him, I felt like my old self again. What happened after we broke up, was that he started talking to me more, and initiated the conversation! How the hell does that happen? Why couldn’t he get it together while we were dating?


I haven’t been in many relationships, but when it would go wrong or I’d get rejected, I would take it personal and believe it was all my fault. With growth and going through a couple awful dating experiences, I learned that I’m a FUCKING AMAZING WOMAN and that anyone I date, should be damned proud to be in my presence. (I just needed to vent that, it’s been in my spirit for the longest lol)

Anyway, let’s get back to focus, what I’ve learned in my experience with dating, is that you have to work at it daily, especially if you love someone. Saying you love them, is just the icing on the cake, you need to show them you care, learn who that person is, know their quirks, etc. Cultivate the relationship in order for it to grow and blossom into something great…


About a week and a half later, I found myself getting back together with him (big mistake) and nothing had change, he said he was getting better. In this instant, I realized you can say all you want, but where is the action? How are you going to show you’re actually doing better? And then I looked at myself, and knew this is not a relationship I wanted to be in, with empty promises and pretty lies. I honestly wanted to make it work for the sake of saying I was dating someone, and to bring a guy home for the holidays. But that’s not a good reason to be with someone, especially if they aren’t making an effort to be with you.


During that time we had gotten back together, there was a chance for him to truly show he cared about me, it basically involved me being stuck in his same city, in a Greyhoud station with a 5 hour late bus. I told him the situation, and he seemed sympathetic towards this frustrating experience, but didn’t budge to come see me, only offering a dry ass “hope you get home safe” text. I knew for sure what place I held in his life, and it hurt, but thank God I was with my best friend and not truly alone. But to know the person you’re dating is in the same city, stuck in a dusty old Greyhound bus station and you don’t even bother to come see them, that was my big ass sign that I need to move on from this, whatever it was. And before you ask, “Well Jazz, was he busy doing something at the time?” Nope, he was home chillin…


I leave you with this last thought, don’t compromise your standards when dating someone. That person will eventually show you who they are, especially in sticky situations, I personally feel you will do all you can to make sure your mate is safe. I hate that I haven’t had many long-lasting relationships, especially when I feel like they’re the right one, and want to introduce them to my family and friends. But I refuse to bring someone around that can’t do the basic shit in a relationship, I can’t and I won’t. Until then, I’ll be single for a while, enjoying myself and embracing those that do love me, for me.


Remember to always take care of YOU first, good night loves.




Tea Time With Pumeli- Product Review

*This is a Sponsored post. All opinions are my own.* 



Hey loves, how goes it? In today’s post I’m trying out Pumeli’s “Portable Tea Infuser”with Morrocan Green Mint Tea and discussing more ways to incorporate self-care into your daily routine. This past month has been C-R-A-Z-Y, I’ve had so many obstacles coming in from left to right, so it’s appropriate that I take some tea-time.

Since some days it’s difficult to grab a cup of tea and a good spot to reflect, I love that this tea infuser bottle is on-the-go for those just in case “tea times”. I also love that the bottle is double walled, keeping my tea hot or cold.Also it comes with a small, steel insert for the loose tea, it keeps most of it out of your mouth. If you’re a planner like me, I recommend to prepare your bottle the night before, especially if you like lemons and honey with your tea. And did you know you can also use this bottle for fruit/herb infused waters and smoothies? Amazing, right? I love products that are multi-purpose, and I know for sure that I can use this for hot or cold days. And it’s small enough to fit in a backpack, purse or car cup holder .



When preparing your tea with the steel infuser, try putting the it into the bottom of the glass, and then put the lid on top. The bottle was designed to not only be used as a steeper, but to be poured directly into a cup or drink from the glass. 


This Moroccan Mint Tea was delicious and so refreshing!

This Moroccan Mint Tea was delicious and so refreshing!


Something about hot tea, with honey and lemon, makes me want to just slow down and reflect on my life. As a daily tea drinker, it not only improves your physical health with antioxidants, but also helps with calming down your nerves. I’m a big advocate on nurturing your mental health, and tea helps do that. Remember at the beginning of this post when I said things got C-R-A-Z-Y? Well I’ve been going through some tough times, especially recently losing a job that I thought was good for me. As well my dating life has been a freak show in itself, so all of these unfortunate experiences really has me stressed out! Although I’m going through a lot, my circumstances are forcing me to slow down and reset some things in my life. I’m confident that everything will work out for the best!

That’s why this Portable Tea Infuser is perfect for my on-the-go people, it gives you that chance to take a few minutes of self reflection and to enjoy some delicious tea. Pumeli also has great gift sets for those tea lovers you know, so check them out and tell them I sent you! Overall loves, I’m not saying hot tea will solve all your problems, but I say give it a try, you have #permissiontorelax.


Thanks for reading Loves!



Self-Care with Spookieloo

Self Care in the midst of bullshittery


Hey lovlies! How’s everyone doing today? I hope you all are doing well, because you’re in for a treat with today’s post. I want to engage with you all starting today 8/16/16 through 8/23/16 on how important self-care is, especially if you’re having a hard time navigating life right now. Normally I’m pretty private about my personal life, but in the past couple of weeks I’ve been through an emotional rollercoaster (could be early PMS lol) and I’m tired of always feeling like my emotions don’t matter or that they’re not valid. I’m sure you’ve been there before, it feels like life is just smacking you up and down with no remorse huh?


This past weekend I went on a date that I thought would be something to remember, and boy was it! Basically the date I went on ended up with me being stranded by the guy that I was a on a date with, he left while I went to the restroom to freshen up. I came back, he was gone, ghost, left without a trace. I texted him, “Hey, you ok?” No reply. So I’m waiting, thinking and then finally came to the conclusion 30 minutes later, that this mofo left my ass (lol I can laugh now thank goodness), so I called and texted several more times, nothin boo. Embarrassed, hurt and angry, I sat there another 20 minutes in shock that this happened, I mean who does that? I eventually and begrudgingly called for an Uber ride, that was the longest and saddest drive I have ever endured.

Anyway fast forward to now, the guy eventually texted me back after I summoned my friends to bug his phone a little (lol), of course he was PISSED that I had something to say after what HE did. *Insert confused look* The conversation lasted about ten minutes, he really tried to hurt me, cut me down because I wanted to know why he would do that. When he said I had “bad intuition” and that he was “miserable” during the date, all I could do was shake my head. None of what he was said was true, which brings me to the point of this post: People’s hurtful words; well hurt, but they don’t have to for long.   

With the amount of frustration that I’ve been feeling towards life in general, and then this tragedy of a date happening, my emotions and self-confidence were shot down a few notches. I can be honest and say that shit hurt, but I engaged in some self-care activities to lift myself back up and will continue to for the rest of this week. Will you join me? Let’s look below!

Day1- Rest, listen to light music and clear your thoughts (2)


I know that was a wild story, but I wanted to share this with you all because it’s important that we bounce back from hurtful words, especially when we know that they’re not true. My method is not the cure all for frustration, but it’s a start in a healthier direction, towards a stronger mindset. Please know and understand that your emotions and feelings are valid, you’re not crazy boo, you got this. I got this.

If you decided to join me today on this self-care journey, remember to use #spookieloosselfcare, so we can help each other out. Well, that’s all for now, enjoy the rest of your day!




What are You Working For?

My 2015 Vision Board

My 2015 Vision Board


First of all I just want to say thank you to everyone who has continuously supported this blog, whether it’s by reading, commenting, sharing, etc. Thank you!

Today’s post is not centered solely on fashion, but more so my goals for the year and how I’m overcoming difficult situations in my life. Currently I am having to take a semester off from school and getting myself back on track. As well I’ll be back to working two jobs to take care of myself since I’m breaking from school. Today I also found out that there was a death in my family and I was very close to this person, so all of this “stuff” piling up, is becoming tough. This is life and I’m living it, whether it’s good or bad. Life tends to throw certain situations at you, and it’s ultimately how you react, that will get you where you need to be

With the creation of my vision board, I had been putting it off for several months because I had no idea what goals I wanted to accomplish. I’m honestly glad I took this time to be intentional about it, because it’s something I look at everyday. The board was in my room at first, but now I like it by my door so that way I see what I’m working for everyday. And that brings me to ask you all, what are you working for? What drives you to continue with your day? As I’m going through these obstacles, I am having to realign my goals and life so that all this work makes sense. When life gets tough, do you believe you can be victorious or do you shrink in fear? This has been me for a while now and I’m working every day to break this mindset of being fearful, especially of failure. When I got the news that I would not be able to continue school this semester and graduate on time, I felt defeated and almost gave up hope. I believe that wanting and working for success comes at a price and that means going through hard times. I won’t quit though. This literally is a temporary road block, that I know I will overcome.

The timing was perfect for me finishing my vision board, although everything seemed like it was going terribly wrong, I was still able to see the importance of what I wanted my life to be like and how I was going to get there. I took some time to cry and sit around, but my spirit, friends and family won’t allow that for too long! I’m glad I took my time with this as I plan to accomplish everything on that board.

This is my challenge to you, if you’re feeling confused about life at any point, create a vision board! By doing this, you’re setting yourself up for greatness and owning that you will achieve your goals. I’ve come to the realization that if you want happiness, you have to take full responsibility of that.

So with that being said I’d like to share some goals of mine!

1.) Graduate college this year

2.) Become a known Plus Size Fashion Blogger

3.) Buy a couch and table

4.) Take a weekend trip to New York and explore, eat and be merry

I am going to utilize this time to refine myself and become stronger, I choose to believe that there is more greatness to come despite these hard times.



And if you’re wondering why I have “Prince” on my board, it’s because of his “doesn’t take sh*t attitude”, nothing seems to faze him and I want to embody that attitude more!

Alright lovelies, I hope this post has been helpful as it has been for me. Believe in self care and don’t be fearful of just living, embrace wherever you are in life.

If you make a vision board, I want to see!