“The magic is to surrender to God’s dream for you. Quit fighting and pushing and disallowing against, and stop trying to tell the Creator what you’re supposed to do.Get still and know that His dream is for you.” – Oprah Winfrey (Quote from Essence.com)
Oprah just gets it, doesn’t she? The above quote is literally my life right now, I’m currently learning to let go and let God do his thing. Since September of 2016, it’s been a rough couple of months financially, mentally and physically. As well I’ve been dealing with holding on to this stigma of being the “strong black woman” when in actuality I’ve been hurting most days and having feelings of jealousy, that other people my age are moving up in life.
I’ve been trying to be strong and to not let my issues get me down, but there are some days that I just have to let go of that control and feel what I feel. See with still being unemployed, and not living that “amazing 20-year-old glamorous life”, I sometimes feel that I am not enough and that I don’t have much to offer the world. I’m not exactly sure why things happened the way they did, but this is what I have to go through and feel. At times it’s like I’m betraying the “strong black woman” code, because I find myself breaking down.
Even in the midst of difficulties though, God always brings light, from the most unexpected sources. He lets me know that he’s here and in control. He knows exactly when to place encouraging words to let me know something great will come. There are days that I can’t go without crying because I feel so lost and out of control, but the joy of knowing that God has my back, makes this journey a little more easier.
I recently had the pleasure of chatting with a friend “Ms. D”, and she spoke so much life into me and reminded me that God is a true provider. I haven’t known Ms. D for too long, but that conversation was very needed. I appreciated another woman, a black woman reassuring me that things will get better, it means a lot. She also said to “enjoy the journey” and to take this time that I have off to explore what I wanted in a career. I’ve heard this a lot before, but this time it speaks to me and I understand that I can’t control everything. I can’t always be strong, it helps a lot to know that God takes that burden of pain and turns into something completely amazing.
Although I’m still going through my journey, I am learning to love it just a little more. Especially to embrace those bad days. With the extra time I have, I’ve been blessed with a freelance gig as an Online Marketer for a non-profit, Carter’s House, and I enrolled in a sewing/design class. Doing these activities that I love, helps me get closer to my purpose and keeps me sane. I know that God has a plan for me, I just need to do what Oprah said and “get still”.
Thanks for reading loves.