The “Strong Black Woman”

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Self-Care with Spookieloo

Self Care in the midst of bullshittery

 

Hey lovlies! How’s everyone doing today? I hope you all are doing well, because you’re in for a treat with today’s post. I want to engage with you all starting today 8/16/16 through 8/23/16 on how important self-care is, especially if you’re having a hard time navigating life right now. Normally I’m pretty private about my personal life, but in the past couple of weeks I’ve been through an emotional rollercoaster (could be early PMS lol) and I’m tired of always feeling like my emotions don’t matter or that they’re not valid. I’m sure you’ve been there before, it feels like life is just smacking you up and down with no remorse huh?

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This past weekend I went on a date that I thought would be something to remember, and boy was it! Basically the date I went on ended up with me being stranded by the guy that I was a on a date with, he left while I went to the restroom to freshen up. I came back, he was gone, ghost, left without a trace. I texted him, “Hey, you ok?” No reply. So I’m waiting, thinking and then finally came to the conclusion 30 minutes later, that this mofo left my ass (lol I can laugh now thank goodness), so I called and texted several more times, nothin boo. Embarrassed, hurt and angry, I sat there another 20 minutes in shock that this happened, I mean who does that? I eventually and begrudgingly called for an Uber ride, that was the longest and saddest drive I have ever endured.

Anyway fast forward to now, the guy eventually texted me back after I summoned my friends to bug his phone a little (lol), of course he was PISSED that I had something to say after what HE did. *Insert confused look* The conversation lasted about ten minutes, he really tried to hurt me, cut me down because I wanted to know why he would do that. When he said I had “bad intuition” and that he was “miserable” during the date, all I could do was shake my head. None of what he was said was true, which brings me to the point of this post: People’s hurtful words; well hurt, but they don’t have to for long.   

With the amount of frustration that I’ve been feeling towards life in general, and then this tragedy of a date happening, my emotions and self-confidence were shot down a few notches. I can be honest and say that shit hurt, but I engaged in some self-care activities to lift myself back up and will continue to for the rest of this week. Will you join me? Let’s look below!

Day1- Rest, listen to light music and clear your thoughts (2)

 

I know that was a wild story, but I wanted to share this with you all because it’s important that we bounce back from hurtful words, especially when we know that they’re not true. My method is not the cure all for frustration, but it’s a start in a healthier direction, towards a stronger mindset. Please know and understand that your emotions and feelings are valid, you’re not crazy boo, you got this. I got this.

If you decided to join me today on this self-care journey, remember to use #spookieloosselfcare, so we can help each other out. Well, that’s all for now, enjoy the rest of your day!

xoxo,

Jazz

 

Losing it: Why I want to be a Healthy Fat Woman

Hey yall, yes you read that title right, let’s chat about this idea of body shaming, which is getting on my damn nerves. About two weeks ago I saw Ashley Graham, plus-size super model, get ridiculed for “losing too much weight” on her Instagram, after reading comments of her followers saying that she “wasn’t the plus-size model they once knew” and how she is betraying everyone by being an active healthy woman, this led me to think about my issues with weight. *Cue the dramatic music*, I want to lose weight and I’m actually working towards losing 20-30lbs to get my health on track and to fit back into favorite booty shorts (I can’t zip those damn things up anymore lol).

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But back to Ashley, I’ve observed some of the plus-size community bash these models for losing weight, especially when they become mainstream. I understand both sides of this argument but at the same time I’m irritated that plus-size women are body shaming each other because someone decides to lose weight or get fit and healthy. Fat women are constantly being shamed for their bodies, so what sense does it make to shame another fellow plus ally? Yall, let this lady live her life please!

In regards to my own body, I’ve been wrestling with this idea that if I choose to decide to lose weight and get healthier, I’d lose my following and possibly be shamed for wanting change my body. I’m wanting to change my health, because I want to live as long as I can without health issues interrupting me living my life to the fullest. My family has a long line of health issues in relation to being overweight, but they have all changed their lifestyles and now live fulfilling, healthy lives. Now I’m not saying that you have to be a certain size to enjoy life at all, I’m saying that this is my decision, and plus I can’t part away from my favorite blue jean booty shorts right now. I love my curves and personally believe you can have a healthy body with them, call me crazy but I want to be a healthy fat woman.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my body and all that it can do, I appreciate every roll, my big thighs and not-so-flat tummy. Is it so wrong to want to get back into being more active and healthy? I’d like to walk up and down stairs without getting out of breath and light headed, or get back to doing my favorite soccer drills without feeling like I’m going to pass out within 5 minutes. It’s evident that no matter what anyone does with their body, that everyone won’t be pleased by your decision to change it, but does it matter? No it doesn’t matter to me anymore, because at the end of the day it’s my body and I live in it, your opinion about Ashley Graham doesn’t stop her from living her life and neither will I. Stop body shaming.

I love a cute work out set!

I love a cute work out set!

My hope for this post was to open up the dialogue on how society, including the plus-size community, engages in constant shaming of people’s bodies, there’s already enough crap going on in the world, so lets chill out, ok?

As always, I appreciate you reading, let me know your thoughts on this subject and don’t forget to share, thanks!

-Spookieloo

 

My Bell’s Palsy Experience & Why You Should Nurture Your Mental Health

First Day & Diagnosis of Bell's Palsy

First Day & Diagnosis of Bell’s Palsy

 

March 15th, 2016… Noon

I woke up feeling like something heavy had been sitting on my face overnight, the left side of my face was numb and stiff. When I went to the bathroom, to engage in my daily routine, I noticed something was different about my face. As I kept on with my routine of brushing my teeth, I also noticed that I couldn’t keep the water inside my mouth, to get rid of the toothpaste residue. That’s when I began to poke and prod at my face; it drooped down from my eye all the way to the left corner of my mouth. I stared at myself in the mirror scared and confused as to what the hell had happened.

The next thought running in my mind was that I had a small stroke and didn’t even know it. So before hyping myself up, I asked a medical friend if they noticed something different of me. And of course they saw that my face was droopy, and that I could not move my facial muscles to fully smile. WTF?! My friend did a quick stroke test on me; she had me raise my arms, bend down, talk, etc. everything was functioning just fine, so why did half of my face look like this?

As you can see in the above picture, I could not smile fully like I usually do. Instead of going for a run that I had planned with my friend that day, I went to an Urgent Doc by my house, to see what was going on. I got to the doctor’s office, filled out the paperwork (praise the Lord for insurance lol) and waited for the verdict. After checking my vitals (which were good) the doctor came back and had me try to make the blow fish face. I failed at that. I could not hold my breath, without letting air out on the left side of my face, I kept trying and trying while the doctor shook her head in agreement with herself; she knew what was up. She then asked me a series of questions about my stress levels and I answered honestly, “Well I am graduating, I have a heavy school and work load and I’m dealing with other personal issues,” I looked at the doctor sheepishly. “Mhhmmm, well Jasmine, you have Bell’s Palsy. The facial nerves have stopped functioning…” At that point I drowned her out with an overwhelming sea of thoughts, as to how this happened to me. I touched the left side of my face and said, “What? I have Bell’s Palsy? What is that? Am I gonna be ok? Is this treatable?”  I was a nervous big-eyed mess. “You will be fine, Jasmine,” the doctor said reassuringly. “You just really need to watch your stress levels, it’s good that you caught this early or it could have gotten worse.” 

After my visit, I had learned that I had a temporary facial paralysis, that could have been caused by stress. I was prescribed with a steroid Prednisone, that reduced the inflammation in my face, I had to take that for a week. So I had a half functioning face, how in the world was I going to function throughout the day?

Week 3 of my Bell's Palsy

Week 3 of my Bell’s Palsy

 

I did my research to see how this could be treated, and I stumbled upon some videos on YouTube that made me feel like I wasn’t alone in this journey. Bell’s Palsy Recovery and Remedies I’ve been Trying  was very helpful because the same thing happened to this person as well. Her facial paralysis lasted for about 4 weeks like mine, and she did a lot facial exercises to help ease the pain.

Since this was my first time experiencing this (and hopefully my last), I was very concerned and scared about my health. I guess you could say, “I woke up”. I really did not need a health scare during the most crucial time in my life; I’m graduating in May, looking for a full-time job, and just overall transitioning into this new area of my life. Why did this happen? I don’t have a definite answer, but I do know that I have learned from this situation. My mental health needs to be nurtured too, such as reducing my stress levels by removing things and people out of my life, that aren’t good for me. I’m an introvert at heart, and when I stress, I keep it in, it’s hard to reach out when you feel like no one understands what you’re going through. But there’s always a silver lining to crazy situations like these; someone has gone through a similar situation and can help you, whatever it may be, don’t keep your stress in. Trust me, you don’t want to end up like me, with half your face working.

My Symptoms of Bell’s Palsy:

  • Pain in the ear
  • Abnormal taste sensitivity
  • Ringing in the ear
  • Dry eye (my left eye would not close all the way, so I had to use eye drops a lot)
  • Constant twitching
  •  Difficulty eating, food would slip of my mouth
  • Confidence was a little low, I was ashamed to smile sometimes because I looked really weird

In no way am I a medical professional, this is just my experience that I wanted to share with you all. I want you all to be healthy and as stress-free as possible, this shit is not fun or cute. Stay healthy friends.

Notice how my left eye looks compared to the right one

Notice how my left eye looks compared to the right one

I am glad to report that I am 95% recovered, sometimes I still twitch and experience stiffness. I hope nothing like this happens again, this experience has taught me to take care of my mental health, and to let out my frustrations. As a young woman, I want to encourage you all to nurture your mental health, it’s vital to your well being. Mental health is real yall.

Thanks babes for reading, I hope this helps someone.