So it’s late as I write this, precisely 12:28 am as I sip this wine called “Blush”. I am nearing the end of my undergraduate career in the next 2 weeks, which brings me to the topic of my worth in relation to earning a college degree…
Yall, I’m trying to be transparent, this is hard to write as I am in a vulnerable spot (black women can vulnerable right?). I honestly feel as if I should be happier than I am, that I am almost done with college, but yet I’m stuck in limbo about finding a job and hell, finding my damn self. For the past year, I have reflected on this college journey and wondered if it was worth the fighting financial aid, parents, begging professors to bump up your grade so you don’t lose your financial aid so that you don’t get kicked out of school. Who the hell was supposed to tell me this shit would happen? Who would tell me that I had mental breakdown and ended up in the psych ward of the hospital my sophomore year? Who would tell me that I would flunk out, and have to sit out one semester to reevaluate my damn life. Who would tell me that my GPA is the gateway to a better job for a better life? Who?
I know, that’s a lot to unload, but I am tired yall. I’m trying to understand if college was worth all of this strife. This certainly is not to sway anyone from pursuing a higher education, but more to share with you all what comes with it. You will sacrifice sleep, sanity, pursuing your real passions…I say that last part because I had to hold off on what I truly wanted to do, and to be honest I don’t need a degree to live in my creativity. I don’t. What you’re born to do is not something that needs to be constantly taught in a classroom, it’s something that is within you, something that is meant to be shared. Can I say that I don’t like school that much lol?
Anyway guys and gals, that’s my millennial rant.This is what I’m currently going through. Will I get a great job, that pays me well to live comfortably? Will I get this degree that somehow shows my worth? Will I overcome this hurdle? I’m still growing and developing, so I do not have all the answers. I just want to make it across the stage.
Love ya babes.