Hey everyone, it’s been 2 months since I’ve written anything or posted, but life happens of course, so I have to deal with it appropriately. Anyway I am coming to you all with my heart open and full of learning lessons, in regards to the dating world.
You know that feeling in your gut, when you know something has gone awry? Or that you know when a relationship has fizzled out? That’s where I am at this moment, recognizing that my relationship has lost its passion and the warm feelings I once had, as well as his too…
I kept thinking to myself, do I need to share my dating story? Do I really need to let everyone in? And then I realized, this is isn’t for you, but for me. (But if it helps in any way, I’m happy that it does).
With dating this particular person, I learned what I did NOT want and what I DO want in a relationship. I never want to feel like I am not a priority to someone I’m dating ever again. I never want to settle with someone, knowing they aren’t right for me, just to say I’m in a relationship, I’d honestly rather be single and enjoy the wonders of life. Loneliness used to scare me and still does at some time, but I don’t want just anyone taking up meaningless space in my life, it’s too draining.
At times throughout dating this person, I would notice I would initiate most of the communication and do most of the “work” to keep this thing going. But I realized that I was the only one really into this relationship, and that my friends, is not a place where I wish my worst enemy would go. Plus it was a long distance relationship, and the only means of communication were calling each other on the phone or video chatting, texting too, but none of that was happening as much.
I expressed my concerns in an adult manner about how we don’t talk as much and what we should do to make it work, I guess he heard me, but wasn’t listening…at this point I waited around for as long as I could, but nothing changed, nothing progressed. I had decided I would break up with him, it took me a week to do it, and my stomach was in literal knots.
The break up didn’t go as horrible as I thought, but it felt like a relief, almost…I was perfectly content without communication with him, I felt like my old self again. What happened after we broke up, was that he started talking to me more, and initiated the conversation! How the hell does that happen? Why couldn’t he get it together while we were dating?
I haven’t been in many relationships, but when it would go wrong or I’d get rejected, I would take it personal and believe it was all my fault. With growth and going through a couple awful dating experiences, I learned that I’m a FUCKING AMAZING WOMAN and that anyone I date, should be damned proud to be in my presence. (I just needed to vent that, it’s been in my spirit for the longest lol)
Anyway, let’s get back to focus, what I’ve learned in my experience with dating, is that you have to work at it daily, especially if you love someone. Saying you love them, is just the icing on the cake, you need to show them you care, learn who that person is, know their quirks, etc. Cultivate the relationship in order for it to grow and blossom into something great…
About a week and a half later, I found myself getting back together with him (big mistake) and nothing had change, he said he was getting better. In this instant, I realized you can say all you want, but where is the action? How are you going to show you’re actually doing better? And then I looked at myself, and knew this is not a relationship I wanted to be in, with empty promises and pretty lies. I honestly wanted to make it work for the sake of saying I was dating someone, and to bring a guy home for the holidays. But that’s not a good reason to be with someone, especially if they aren’t making an effort to be with you.
During that time we had gotten back together, there was a chance for him to truly show he cared about me, it basically involved me being stuck in his same city, in a Greyhoud station with a 5 hour late bus. I told him the situation, and he seemed sympathetic towards this frustrating experience, but didn’t budge to come see me, only offering a dry ass “hope you get home safe” text. I knew for sure what place I held in his life, and it hurt, but thank God I was with my best friend and not truly alone. But to know the person you’re dating is in the same city, stuck in a dusty old Greyhound bus station and you don’t even bother to come see them, that was my big ass sign that I need to move on from this, whatever it was. And before you ask, “Well Jazz, was he busy doing something at the time?” Nope, he was home chillin…
I leave you with this last thought, don’t compromise your standards when dating someone. That person will eventually show you who they are, especially in sticky situations, I personally feel you will do all you can to make sure your mate is safe. I hate that I haven’t had many long-lasting relationships, especially when I feel like they’re the right one, and want to introduce them to my family and friends. But I refuse to bring someone around that can’t do the basic shit in a relationship, I can’t and I won’t. Until then, I’ll be single for a while, enjoying myself and embracing those that do love me, for me.
Remember to always take care of YOU first, good night loves.